Now I am sharing the next part to my journey. If you haven’t read Part I, click here to read it. We left off where I met my Couple and it was an instant connection. Now for what happened next…….

It is funny how anxious you become once you are matched. When will the embryos be created? When will I have my medical clearance? When do I get to sign the contract? When do I start Group with Dr. Rad and the other women in the Program? Do I start communicating with my Couple now or do I wait? And what will I write about?

After receiving the ‘Congratulations on your match,’ email I hesitated a bit in reaching out. It felt like the waiting period after the first date, when you don’t know who should initiate contact. I wrote and rewrote my email several times, finally deciding to go with an email that laid it all out there. My excitement, a little background of what my family had been up to since we last spoke, some various ways of keeping in touch. When they replied, it felt a little more reserved than our initial meeting. After overthinking it a bit and worrying that I had turned them off in my exuberance, I shared my unease with my agency. At this point, they were more family than business associates so I felt comfortable expressing my trepidation. They helped me work through this and recognize the apprehensions from the couple’s point of view. What if they became attached to me and I didn’t pass medical clearance? While I had the highest optimism for our journey, they had experienced losses that made them more cautious. And knowing this helped me realize they weren’t overwhelmed by my enthusiastic personality but were fearful that once again their dream would not come true. What you will read in the next chapters is how not only a friendship bond was created but a family one too!

My husband, Mark, and I were medically cleared by Dr. Friedman with SDFC and felt so comfortable with her and her staff. Soon the contract was done and I started attending Group. It was amazing to me how diverse the women were and I loved hearing each of their stories.

Then finally the day we were waiting for had arrived. Mark and Shannon, my BFI Case manager, accompanied me. I am not kidding when I tell you that I did EVERY superstition I came across, there was no way I was letting this not work! I ate fresh pineapple, I drank pomegranate juice, I practiced fertility yoga for the week leading up to transfer, and I even buried a penny in my backyard. I wore a “lucky” transfer shirt that a friend from my mom’s group made for me and I was added to every prayer list of every church that my friends attended. I’m not going to tell you that these superstitions worked, but (spoiler alert) they didn’t NOT work. Because we were unable to Skype with my couple during the transfer, Mark took many photos and videos that I sent over as soon as I returned to the hotel for bed rest.

The pregnancy test was about 12 days later. But it felt like a year! I debated about taking a test at home, but ultimately, I wanted to find out at the same time as my Couple. We were going through this together. But, then, the night before I began to feel anxious. I felt as though I needed to be strong for my couple if the results were not what we were hoping. I can be a reactive person, so the best way I could do that was to go into the situation prepared. I gave in and took a home pregnancy test. It took everything in me to not call my couple as soon as the second pink line appeared, but I knew that it was best to allow the clinic to do their testing and provide my couple with tangible facts.

I had my blood drawn at the first appointment available at the clinic. I already knew that SDFC would be emailing us the results sometime that afternoon. As soon as I saw the email, I burst into tears. I was overwhelmed with my feelings of gratitude. I couldn’t resist contacting my couple any longer so I sent a WhatsApp message saying, “Congratulations!! I don’t know if you saw the email yet, but you’re having a baby!!! I’m so so so so happy for you guys!” From that point on I tried to keep a stream of positivity in our messages, my hope was that this would bring them the peace and assurance they needed.

Just a little shout-out to all of our supportive spouses! Although we don’t post about you as often as our surrogate mothers, your role is very important and appreciated!

#supportteam #thankfulforyou #buildingfamiliesinc

Having an OB you can trust is important for any pregnancy. As Jeri nears the end of her surrogacy, we’re thankful to know she’s in good hands with Dr. Arora!

#pregnancyglow #OB #proudsurrogate #buildingfamiliesinc

“It’s not good news today”, that’s the response I received to my “Hello” when I answered the phone. “Dangit” was what first came out of my mouth and before I was able to fully process my negative result, she goes on to say, “Your IPs want to try again.” Talk about a full range of emotion!

I appreciated their faith in me and in the process, but I was still imagining the disappointment they were feeling. I couldn’t help but wonder if this failed attempt brought back their difficult past, the reason they needed my help in the first place. They were not only optimistic, but they were apologetic. They actually apologized to me! I felt like I was supposed to be apologizing to them. They quickly reminded me of our recent success, just last year, when I gave birth to their daughter. Thinking of her grounded us, and filled us with hope for the future.

Then came the task of notifying the 50+ people who knew I was waiting for the results that day. I know am fortunate to have a huge support system with so many rooting me on, so I am not complaining. It just wasn’t the news I expected to share. In retrospect, I now understand why many choose to share with a select few.

As a typically positive person, it’s hard for me to admit that I struggled with doubts over the next 24 hours. I kept replaying the transfer, the bed rest, and the days leading up to the pregnancy test. Could I have done something more? Was my shower too warm? Did I eat too many cookies? Did I drink enough water? And more things that are just as ridiculous to write as they were for me to think!! Finally, my heart and my head synced and I knew that I did everything right and it is true, that sometimes it just doesn’t work. Plain and simple!

So back on the saddle we go!

“Where do babies come from?” This might be one of the most dreaded questions for parents of small children. Navigating it in an age appropriate but also inclusive manner can be daunting. ‘What Makes a Baby,’ by Cory Silverberg explains the various routes to parenthood in an uncomplicated, matter of fact way. We highly recommend this book for not only our IP’s and surrogates, but for all parents.

#themoreyouknow #buildingfamiliesinc

Part I:

I don’t have a big backstory that lead me to surrogacy. It was actually quite simple, I have easy pregnancies, love being pregnant so why wouldn’t I help someone?! I felt and still feel, that there isn’t a reason NOT to help someone else. Like if you’re in a parking lot and you see someone struggling to put something in their car and you know that you could easily help them, why wouldn’t you? It costs $0 to be a good person.

I remember receiving the profile for my IP. It wasn’t even a thought in my head for me to form an opinion about them if that makes sense. I don’t feel like you have to like someone to help them. Honestly, my concern was whether or not they’d like me! But, it wasn’t my place to like them or judge them. I signed up to help someone have a family and if a relationship formed, that would be a bonus but not something I would allow myself to hope for.

So, for me, one of the first of many “big” days arrived in December 2016. It was time to meet a potential Couple. As is BFI’s custom, they attended this event that they like to call a blind date. I am not kidding when I tell you that it only took 30 seconds for me to know that this was the Couple that I was meant to help. The moment the Intended Mother made eye contact with me, I felt like she was the reason I had signed up for this journey. Mark & I left the lunch knowing that we wanted to move forward, but we weren’t certain they felt the same way. We spoke about how difficult it must be for them when considering and selecting the woman who will carry their child. Knowing she and their baby would be thousands of miles away. As parents, it was difficult to fully imagine what they were feeling. We respected them all the more. Obviously, LOL, we picked each other and our journey began.

We’re so thankful that we were able to meet up with some of our Intended Parents in San Jose! Seeing them build relationships with each other as well is so rewarding. Thank you to all who attended!

#buildingfamiliesinc #bumble #timewellspent

The last time Dr. Parks at San Diego Fertility Center held this sweet bundle, he looked much different! We love when a couple is able to visit the clinic where their journey began with the baby in tow. Dr. Parks and the rest of the team at SDFC has been helping us create miracles for over 20 years. No matter how much time passes, each experience feels like the first!