Dr. Rad’s News and Views: Self-Care for Surrogates

     Building Families’ Surrogates are really tremendous people.  After evaluation of each surrogate, I am always struck by their definitive decision & willingness to help others become a family.  These Surrogates have a caretaking and giving spirit that is unique to their personality. Today I’d like to discuss this natural ability to caretake or caregive and offer some insights, views & suggestions for self-care or self-nurturance.  

     First, let’s define the people who are caretakers or caregivers.  They give automatically without often considering their needs and instead they focus on supplying other’s needs.  Emotional (psychological), spiritual or physical needs are not even on the radar at times for themselves.  Psychological or emotional needs often include but are not limited to these: Support from others, asking for help, self-soothing activities and alone time to define one’s needs or feelings at that time.  

     The endeavor to comprehend a Surrogate’s emotional needs is what I do in the course of their journey.  Building Families keeps me fully informed with each Surrogate’s progress on a weekly basis or more often if indicated.  Typically, our Surrogates have little or minimal issues when it comes to physical self-care of themselves and their pregnancy for their couple and that is what makes these women so amazing! 

     Another way I ensure each Surrogate Mother’s psychological well-being is by seeing them in a monthly group therapy.   In our groups, we tend to focus on self-care and self-soothing such as relaxation, visual imagery and focused breathing for a transfer or delivery.  If a Surrogate requests a meeting with the psychologist, it is provided. Indeed, if I think a brief professional interaction is essential, then I do it.  

     I have seen almost 400 Surrogates during their journey over the past 25 years of my tenure with Building Families.  The number of times I have had to meet with a Surrogate Mother due to concerns for their self-care and self-nurturance is negligible.  I believe it’s because the program provides exceptional care & management. The Surrogates know they do not have to manage on their own, and they realize that asking for help is the only way to achieve a resolution.  Fortunately, our Surrogate Moms do not buy into the notion that if you seek professional assistance from the psychologist you are perceived as emotionally weak, or that you might be labeled or judged.

     In summary, both the involvement of the psychologist and the management that Building Families provides has been synergistic and  successful in preventing events & issues which could have had a catastrophic impact on all concerned. Emotions come in different sizes and are dynamic, without the proper sounding board or professional guidance they can ruin a perfectly great relationship.  These relationships are complex and require a collaboration that is unique in the case of surrogacy.   

     Today I’d like to offer you some of my suggestions to incorporate for self-care in your daily life and throughout your Surrogacy journey.  The first one is to check in with your emotions daily.  Ask yourself what am I feeling during the day, is it positive or negative?  Being able to define your emotions often stems from our thought process. Treat yourself to a laugh a day! Laughter is good medicine for sure!  Visualize or visit a positive place, could be your backyard, the mountains, the beach or your very own sofa!  Please be selfish once a day with something you do just for you, we call this self-nurturing!  Finally, ask for help, big, small or confusing issues.  We all need others and help sometimes.

Enjoy the end of summer and the beginning of Fall 2019!    

As Always, Dr. Rad

Pumping After Pregnancy

While the pregnancy portion of her journey has ended, GC Mandy has continued providing nourishment for baby boy via exclusive pumping. This is her second shipment at 3 weeks postpartum!

 

#waytogoMandy #surrogacyrocks #exclusivepumping #buildingfamiliesinc

Christine’s Surrogacy Journey – Part III

 

It’s me again with Part III of my journey reflection. If you haven’t been following along thus far, here is a link to Part I and Part II.

Part II ended with our confirmation of pregnancy. Only moments after receiving the email from SDFC confirming my pregnancy, I sent a What’s App message to my couple saying, “Congratulations!! I don’t know if you saw the email yet, but you’re having a baby!!! I’m so so so so happy for you guys!”

Typically with an international match, the surrogate mom meets the couple in the beginning as I did, but then most often the next time they see each other is at the end when we are awaiting the birth of their baby. Mark and I were very lucky that our couple was able to make a trip during my pregnancy.

We were so happy to host them and invite Carol and her family to our home for a BBQ over Labor Day weekend. My heart was so full that day! I remember as if it happened yesterday, opening the door and hugging them both. I recall having a feeling of such joy and gratitude to be on this journey with them. Our connection was immediate. There was no moment of awkwardness or discomfort. My husband and I, and our kids felt appreciated but even more than that, there was this acknowledgment. It was clear to us that we were doing much more than fulfilling a contract.

They went home but didn’t feel as far away as they were. A profound change in our relationship occurred during their visit. We Skyped at least once a month and chatted via What’s App several times a week. I have never appreciated technology more than during this journey. Most of my appointments Shannon was able to FaceTime my couple so that they could see their baby in real time and talk with the doctor. Even from thousands of miles and opposite time zones, we were in this journey together.

Looking back, I can remember several truly amazing moments during this pregnancy. If I have to pick just one, I would choose the moment I met the baby’s maternal grandparents via Skype. It was mind-blowing, astonishing and overwhelmingly wonderful to consider all of the people that were being affected by this little being growing in my tummy. Like their daughter and son-in-law, they welcomed me into their family with open arms. There were tears all around and there are more than a few as I look back on this moment now!

As the pregnancy progressed, I felt my role was to exude enough confidence and optimism for us all. I’d often send messages like “next year this holiday is going to look so different,” and “in X amount of weeks you’ll be meeting your baby!” It seemed to pay off because shortly after I received an mp3 of their wedding song that they wanted me to play for their baby. It gave me an idea too! At around 27 weeks I visited a local ultrasound clinic so that I would be able to have video of the baby made along with a plush monkey that played the baby’s heartbeat. I shipped it to them as I was excited to provide my couple with a tangible reminder of what was to come.

It was probably in the third trimester when my couple began actively preparing for baby. Our skypes evolved into discussions on baby gear and things to stock up on. They began sharing their purchases and baby items with me. It gave me goosebumps when they shared that their daughter would sleep in the same bassinet that her mother had slept in. There was also a particular outfit that my Intended Mother and her sister had both worn home from the hospital. If you haven’t noticed my sentimental nature yet, I will tell you that this idea was so moving to me. In fact, I recall telling my husband afterward that this was why I held onto so much of my own children’s baby items. Another of the peaks of this journey was when I learned that my IM’s friends had thrown her a surprise baby shower. When she sent me the photos, she and I cried tears of joy again. Although it sounds like we cried all the time, I promise we laughed a lot together too!

Stay tuned for our delivery day!!!

Melissa Visits Spain – and her Couple!

My family and I had the wonderful opportunity to visit Spain for our first family trip. It combined bucket list items: sightseeing and visiting our IP’s in their home town. The beauty of Spain is far greater than any picture can convey, and the overwhelmingly kind nature of the locals made returning home that much harder. From the Palace in Madrid to Barcelona, and down to Cordoba, the trip was awesome.

After exploring Madrid and the sites, we took a high-speed train to Barcelona to watch MotoGP at Catalunya. Although the trip to Barcelona was short, we explored the Gothic quarters and at the race, we were able to walk to the starting grid to watch the awards with 93,000 other fans. The trip concluded in Cordoba, where we got to see our amazing IP’s and were honored to meet their fantastically brilliant, kind and beautiful family. We spent a day in Cordoba as tourists, a relaxing day in the countryside with the most delicious paella, and ended the weekend with a fun family meal. Being able to see, first-hand, the rhythmic dance my IPs had in caring for their little lady and the joy she gave them was perfect. They are pros, so happy, and so natural at parenting. She brought such happiness to not only her parents but their families as well. She is a lucky girl to have such a loving family. My son and I cried as we said our goodbyes, but knowing that we would be back to explore more of the amazing country, and to visit our Spanish family again in the future made saying goodbye slightly easier.

Three Babies Last Week!

Last week was a busy week! THREE deliveries! Congratulations to Mandy, Yolanda, Jeri, and their couples. We are so proud of you all and are looking forward to birth stories and CAKE at your next Group!

#twoboysandagirl #surrogacyrocks #BIRTHday #buildingfamiliesinc

Jeri’s Birth Story

Our amazing Jeri just completed her 3rd surrogacy journey, yes 3rd!! They say 3rd times a charm and I think she will attest to how magical this journey truly was. Having a local couple was a new experience for her and the bond created not only with the new parents but their families as well is truly wonderful. Her journey was wrapped up in a bow when she delivered a beautiful baby girl, weighing 7lb 4oz on July 25, 2019.