We have an outline of the matching process on our website and you can click here to read it. But Christine has asked me to not just elaborate, but to explain how I do it. She mentioned her own experience as a Surrogate Mom and reminded me of how perfectly she was matched. And she quoted many others that have said the same thing. I wanted to joke with her and say that I just throw darts, but I am so bad at that game if it were even a little bit true, no one would get matched! Drawing names out of bag??? Or better yet, use my granddaughter’s Magic 8 ball. No, of course, these aren’t true but they are easier to explain than the feelings I get about people.
So, let’s discuss the easy part first. The Science and the Math of the equation. A must for any match is that the Couple and their prospective Surrogate Mom have similar belief systems in regards to challenging and sometimes painful decisions about the pregnancy. These things are never negotiable. I do read their ideas about relationships and contact during and after the pregnancy, but honestly, I do not put too much weight on this part. Imagine making a profound decision regarding a relationship that has not yet started with people you have not yet met! But, this is what we do. We do remind everyone that nothing is in stone, we only want to get an idea of where their thoughts and expectations are at that particular point in time. The profile is a tool, but not the only one.
More science, Dr. Rad. Her job is critical, of course! Her first purpose is to make sure each person is crazy enough to go through this strenuous journey, but not too crazy. 😉 Seriously, her job is to ensure surrogacy is right for each person. She gives us an insight into each person that we could never gain without spending a great deal of time. And since we don’t have time to date, we are grateful for her work. She gives us a comprehensive report of their personalities which not only helps us in the matching, but guides us on how to best support them through the journey.
So, we take the science and math parts of the equation and recognize that these are static. After that, honestly, it is more of a gut feeling. I just know who will be good together and good for each other. It is amazing the things I learn after the match is formed about how much they have in common. Things that I couldn’t know yet. Some things are more obvious such as realizing that putting an introvert and an extrovert together is not a good idea unless you think they could complement each other, ground each other in the middle. Again, I don’t know how to put into words how I determine that. So, sorry Christine! This may not be the answer you were hoping for but this is all I have. I don’t have a secret recipe that I am refusing to share……..I swear! LOL