The H1N1 “pandemic” has caused quite a stir. Breann and I are faced with something that I have never encountered in all my 18 years of managing surrogacy cases. All of the hospitals in San Diego are limiting the amount of people allowed in the delivery room to only 2 or 3 persons through the entire flu season which they say is until May. Inevitably, this leaves Breann and me out. And in some cases, both of the Intended Parents can’t be at the birth of their child either.
Needless to say, this change has caused a lot of panic for Couples and their Surrogate Moms who were counting on us being there for support and to manage anything that needs to get done. At first I was uneasy about it, too. Hundreds of things crossed my mind that would require our attention or facilitation. I called the hospitals hoping they would make an exception for these special circumstances, but no one would budge. How could they not see the importance of our being there? I was so wrapped up in the attendance of the birth, that I lost sight of the big picture. I took a step back and gained my perspective back. A sense of calm set in and I’ll tell you why.
It occurred to me that we have given everyone what they need way ahead of time. You probably think I am referring to the court orders or something tangible like that. But I am not. I am talking about something that goes much further back, before the Surrogate Mother and her Couple became a match. The Surrogate Mothers in our Program are exceptional women and some of the best moms I have ever met. I have seen them take on the Intended Parent’s quest to have a family as their own personal mission. The Intended Parents are incredible too. They trust us and their Surrogate Mom with the most important thing in their life. They are in awe of their Surrogate Mom and appreciate more than words can say the gift they are receiving. I know they truly care for her and her family. This combination is the best foundation for a perfect outcome.
Although it is disappointing that we are unable to attend the births, we must maintain our perspective. It is but a moment that will fade with time. We still participated in the most significant event of their lives and that will live in our memories forever.