My Surrogacy Journey by Tracy Matthews
I first began to think about being a Surrogate Mother a few months after my youngest daughter was born. I really loved being pregnant but I knew I was done having children of my own. I just couldn’t imagine not having the feeling of being pregnant again! I also thought it would be a good way to help someone experience the joys (and pains) of parenthood. It took me a full two years after first researching it to make the commitment. I think I talked to over 10 agencies during that time. I obviously chose Building Families, Inc.
When I first met the Intended Parents, I was so nervous. I had no idea if they’d like me and if I’d like them. I was nervous that me or my husband would say something wrong and ruin it. I couldn’t figure out what we could possibly talk about through a whole dinner. On paper, I didn’t think they had anything in common with me. I couldn’t have been more wrong. I liked them from the beginning. They were down to earth and easy to talk to. But the Intended Mother was reserved. She had been through so much trying to achieve her dream of being a mother and I could sense that within her. Trusting our gut instinct, my husband and I decided that we definitely wanted to help them and off we went.
My first pregnancy for them went off without a hitch. Their son was born weighing a healthy 8 lbs 7 oz. I cannot describe how I felt seeing them hold their son for the first time. Any reservation or wall that my Intended Mother had built up fell instantly. I saw the stress and tension in her disappear in a moment.
I knew at the end of my first surrogacy that they wanted to have another child. I had conceptually agreed to it but Carol wanted me to finish one surrogacy before I talked about doing another. A couple months after the first baby was born, we talked about it and decided we would try again when their son was 6 months old. They were thinking that I probably wouldn’t get pregnant with the first transfer (remember, they had been through a lot) and wanted to start so their children wouldn’t be too far apart in age. Well, lo and behold, I got pregnant with the first transfer.
Although my second pregnancy brought on some physical challenges (they make such big babies!!), it was all worth it. Their second son was born exactly 17 months to the day after their first. He weighed in at an amazing 9 lbs 6 oz. He was such a big boy; it was hard to believe that he had to be in ICU. He had a little fluid in his lungs. Luckily, he is a healthy (and big) little boy. He’s almost the same size as his older brother. I think football may be in his future.
It is hard for me to express in writing the impact being a Surrogate Mother has had on my own life and my family. My kids have experienced something most kids will never know. They have seen their mother give life to someone else’s child. My hope is that they will understand and appreciate how precious life is and how important it is to be a generous, giving person.
For me and my husband, we did not realize how much this would change our lives and our relationship. In many ways, it tested us. In my second pregnancy, there were some complications and he had to take on many roles he had never had to before. Housekeeper, homework helper, cook?he didn’t always like that. I had to rely on my family, particularly my fantastic sister, and friends like I’d never had to before. It’s hard to explain to most people, but I am grateful to have gone through that. Being vulnerable and dependent on others gave me a new (and eye-opening) perspective on what’s really important in family and relationships.
As strange as it may sound, I could not be more grateful to Carol, Building Families, Inc, and my Intended Parents. The joy that having these two children had brought to me is just immeasurable.